Being Mortal

Peggy Sax

I have a vision for The Conversation Lounge to be a place where anyone can start a conversation about something worth talking about – ranging from conferences to existential dilemmas. I wish our discussion technology was better, but at least for now, this is the best we can do. In the spirit of sharing something of personal value, I have something to post.

These days, I’m thinking a lot about what it means to be mortal. I imagine this topic is on others minds too? Here are some personal reasons.

Right now, I’m in my old home town – the Washington DC area- for a long weekend with my extended family celebrating my mother’s 90th birthday. We rented a house with 13 bedrooms! Last night, I/we served pizza and salad for …about 30 people – children, grandchildren, cousins, siblings. This morning we host brunch at 10:00am and then tonight is the gala event at my mom’s retirement community.

In honor of this occasion, my son Jordan helped create a beautiful photo book filled with memories through several chapters of my mother’s life. On the first page there is a photo of her as a beautiful young woman, and the words, “Happy 90th birthday Edith! A photo book of how one thing leads to another. The first pages begin with black and white photos of my parents and their three young children (I’m the youngest with 2 older brothers); my mother is a young beautiful stylish woman. As you turn the pages, we watch her slowly age as her children grow up, and then come the grandchildren where we see her at various occasions and activities; then come the great grandchildren (my grandchildren- her delight!). The last page shows Jordan and Dana (his parter/wife) with their shirts raised, showing Dana’s pregnant belly, with the caption, “The next chapter is always being written.”

These are precious moments. I savor them. I no longer have the illusion that they will last. If I’m lucky, I too will live and long life, and someday maybe even get to know my great-grandchildren. Maybe…maybe not.

My worldview on mortality is also being shaped by the recent diagnosis of ALS (otherwise known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease) for Alex, one of my best friends. Being there for Alex- helping her face this devastating progressive illness- has become one of my life priorities. This is a source of both tears and joy. The tears are obvious, but the joy is surprising. Alex inspires me everyday with her dignity, grace, humanity, vulnerability, as she faces the pragmatics of living a shortened life where each day comes with the reminder that nothing can be taken for granted, and to enjoy the precious moments.

Several media events are accompanying me on this journey. If you haven’t yet read it, I highly recommend Atal Gawande’s book, Being Mortal. Also I highly recommend the recent Frontline tv show (on PBS channel in USA). Frontline interviewed Atul about his book and four terminally ill patients that he interacted with during the final phase of their lives.

Frontline: Being Mortal

Also, I have been very moved by Oliver Saks’ recent editorial in the New York Times”: My Own Life.
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Thanks for listening. What are you thinking about these days? Is being mortal also on your mind? If so, what are you learning?

Peggy